Recession getting to you? Having a hard time finding meaningful employment? Keep sending out resumes and still find yourself working the counter at McDonalds?
Well, have you ever considered a career with one of the fine secret, underground, shadowy organizations that move to either destroy, or protect, the world? If you've ever given serious consideration to being a henchmen, a ninja, a mutant. a cyborg, a high-tech engineer, a super-soldier or just good, old fashioined cannon fodder, this might be the career for you.
10) THE HAND!Looking to put that brown belt in Tae Kwon Do you earned when you were twelve to good use? Consider taking up a position with The Hand, Japan's number one ninja assassin cult. All the coolness of the ninja, without all the insecurity of freelancing.
BENEFITS: Full Health and Dental. Free Ninja Stars.
DRAWBACKS: Blood hard to get out of Ninja Uniform. Constantly Getting Your Ass-Kicked By Daredevil and the Avengers. Little Room For Career Advancement.
9) THE GUILD OF CALAMITOUS INTENT!Looking to break into super-villaining without laying out all the initial capital to get started? Then consider joining the Guild of Calamitous Intent! You can begin your super-villaining career with a reputable organization that caters to only the best client list of heroes, super-scientists, and boy adventureres.
BENEFITS: Full Health. Subsidized Daycare. Paid On-The-Job Training.
DRAWBACKS: High Death Rate. Possibility of Demotion to Henchman.
8) O.S.I. (Office of Secret Intelligence)Looking to fast forward your career? Want to get a jumpstart on a shaky job market right out of College? Consider joining the Office of Secret Intelligence. Learn valuable skills like how to break every bone in the human body, how to wrestle a shark, and how to disassemble an explosive device with nothing more than a splinter from a shattered femur. Careers can range from bodyguard to astronaut to even super-assassin. So send in your application today, and Be All You Can Be*
*All You Can Be May Vary, depending on the person.
BENEFITS: Free Knife.
DRAWBACKS: Guarding Lame-Ass Boy Detectives. Going Insane
7) HYDRA
Have you ever said 'if I ran the world.....', well now you can! Work for HYDRA! Imagine having the power to change the world. or at least being a faceless member of a larger, more powerful organization hell-bent on changing the world! You can seize your own destiny, with HYDRA!
BENEFITS: Free Uniform. Some Dental. References Provided.
DRAWBACKS: Suicide Duty.
6) D.E.O. (Department of Extranormal Operations)
With an explosion in meta-humans, aliens and a variety of other "odd" developments across the planet, it's only sensible that the government establish an agency devoted to organizing, and countering, meta-human threats. Do you have a unique talent that no one else has? Maybe a minor psychic ability or the ability to throw or shoot random objects with incredible speed and accuracy? Then the D.E.O. wants you!
BENEFITS: Great Pension. Access to Cutting Edge Technology.
DRAWBACKS: Potential Assignment to Task Force X. May Be Subject To Illegal Experimentation.
5) THE LEAGUE OF ASSASSINS
Passionate for Mother Earth? Are you a Green Activist but you find GreenPeace too namby pamby? Consider coming to work for us at the League of Assassins! Our leader, Ra's Al Ghul, is committed to protecting our Mother Earth, and his aggressive plan to reduce the human population by at least 95 percent by 2045 is a Climate Change Plan we can all agree will work.
BENEFITS: Work For A Cause You Believe In. Excellent Networking Opportunity.
DRAWBACKS: Often Beaten By Batman. Price For Failure: Death.
4) B.P.R.D. (Bureau For Paranormal Research and Defence)
Interested in Law Enforcement, but find drug dealers and murderers somewhat boring? The B.P.R.D. is the first and last line of defence against demons, warlocks, mystics, monsters, and mythological creatures! Travel to exotic locations, meet interesting people, and battle the undead! All with the B.P.R.D.
BENEFITS: Great Government Pension. Plenty of Room For Advancement
DRAWBACKS: You'll Probably Die A Horrible, Horrible Death.
3) CHECKMATE
Are you interested in international travel? Activism? Working for International Peace? Consider a job with CHECKMATE, the international agency devoted to creating international peace and stability. You will work with people from all walks of life, all across the world, and work toward international order!
BENEFITS: Plenty of Travel. Work With Facinating People. Possibility for Cybernetic Augmentation. Meet Celebrities and Superheroes.
DRAWBACKS: Plenty of Opportunity to Die A Horrible, Horrible, Death. Probably By The Hand Of Your Commanders.
2) S.P.E.C.T.R.E. (Special Executive for Counter-Intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion)
Have you applied to endless jobs with the CIA, the NSA. M6 and various other intelligence groups, only to get turned down because you don't have enough "scruples." Well then consider work as a spy, but freelance! SPECTRE has many opportunities in the Scientific Madman, Henchman, Unique Assassin, and Criminal Mastermind Positions.
BENEFITS: Exotic Travel. On-The-Job-Training. Subsidized Fitness Program. Volcano Headquarters.
DRAWBACKS: Penalty For Failure is Death. Slaughter By Suave British Agent.
1) S.H.I.E.L.D. (Strategic Hazard Intervention, Espionage Logistics Directorate)
No Superpowers? No Problem! With S.H.I.E.L.D. you too will have the opportunity to work with the Avengers! Previous experience in engineering? Military? Security Services? Then consider battling evil alongside superheroes as a member of the world's premier intelligence and security firm. We have recently undergone many changes in management, from Col. Fury, to Tony Stark. But under the leadership of Norman Osborne, we are prepared to take on the new challenges of the 21st Century Head-On!
BENEFITS: Learn A Trade You Can Take Anywhere. Access To State of The Art Equipment. Meet Famous Celebrities and Superheroes.
DRAWBACKS: Airsickness From Flying Aircraft Carrier. Tight, Form-fitting Uniforms. Superhero Envy.
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